Believe the Positive

As usual, I'm working on several projects at once...nothing like multi-tasking. I'm reading 3 books...Goodbye Chaos, Hello Peace; Something More; and Taking the Limits Off God. The first one is helping me get my house in order, the second is helping me get *me* in order, and the third is helping me get my relationship with God in order.

Goodbye Chaos is going fairly well. I've decided I want a treadmill that I can stick under the bed when it's not in use, since we don't have anywhere to leave it up. I thought I could do my reading while I walk. Since I'm reading 3 books at once, the extra baby weight should be gone in no time...once I get the treadmill, that is. I'm working on my laundry system this week...which is already working well...just needing to be tweaked a little here and there. The biggest thing that could help would be to get the garage cleaned up so I can use the shelf for the laundry baskets like I was doing for a while. Right now the laundry piles up in my room, and I have to resort the whole pile every day...rather than just adding it to the laundry baskets in the garage.

Something More is going well, too. It's given me a lot to think about...since I LOVE introspection so much! I'm really struggling to see myself past the facade of being who I thought everyone WANTED me to be all these years. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in that!

I just started the Limits book this week...after a friend reminded me about it. It was definitely God's timing...cuz I was really getting down about a lot of things...and I needed a boost. In the first chapter, I was reminded that God CAN and WILL take care of me...and got back to a place of peace about some major issues.

The last couple of days I've been pondering something mentioned in chapter 4. Jim is talking about our self-esteem...and how it's so high when we're little...like when we're learning to walk...because we're not punished or made fun of when we fall...rather, we're loved and cuddled and accepted. But then as we get older, *life* isn't so kind when we fail.

"As adults, most of us derive our self-esteem, not from the love and acceptance of our heavenly Father, but from our ability to succeed at certain tasks. We feel good about ourselves based on our accomplishments, rather than on whom we are in Jesus."

The answer:

"Like the toddler learning to walk, his self-worth is derived from the loving relationship he has with his Father through the Lord Jesus, and not from his achievements (works)."

How? By renewing our minds...and re-writing our hearts....so that we become convinced of the TRUTH...that we ARE loved and accepted by God....period.

Sounds so easy...but after 40 years of negatives...it can be exhausting (to say the least) trying to renew my mind...as the negatives present themselves over and over and over again.

How do I convince myself of God's love? What does *love* look like to me? And is what it *looks* like the important thing?

I KNOW that God met me...almost exactly a year ago now...right where I was...completely ugly...with no interest in hearing from God...angry...bitter...frustrated...but He showed up...and He DID something to show me that He loves me. Yet...even with that experience...I STILL struggle in the face of negatives to remember that God loves me.

So what I understand, then, is that it's a choice...every day...to BELIEVE that God loves me...no matter what *things* look like...not matter how I feel...no matter what's going on.

Situations and circumstances can take away a feeling...with or without my permission...but they can't take away a choice...only *I* can give that up. So I have to DECIDE not to give up my right to choose...and I have to CHOOSE to believe that God DOES love me...and all that His love means.