Just Writing

Some people were born to write and know it. Not me. I guess that's why I have such a hard time remembering to blog. Actually, it's not so much that I forget to blog...as much as I don't know what to write. Some things seem too trivial to take the time to post...and others too personal.

That being said, I've felt for a while now that I would write a book some day. I like the *some day* part, because I can procrastinate without feeling guilty. But these days I can't help but feel that the *some day* is getting MUCH closer. I still don't know what specifically to write...so I figured my blog is a good place to start. Hopefully I'll keep up with it...and I'm sure I'll see some kind of pattern....or at least a clue to a pattern....around which to write a book.

Jenny will be a big part of my book. (Hi, Jenn!!!) So much of my spiritual journey has been spent with Jenny by my side....sometimes ahead of me, cheering me on...sometimes behind me while I cheer her on. Writing *Jenny* will be much easier than writing *a friend*. Sorry, Jenn... you won't be anonymous! ;)

The latest question we're chewing on....well...I guess it's not really a question...it's a conundrum. (Don't know if I spelled that right, but I figured I should practice using some impressive words for my book...lol) Anyway...here we both sit...in financial...frustration...wondering, aside from the obvious *physical* things...how did we get here spiritually?

My first thought is to go back to our situation in Huntsville. We moved there for Impact...to sit under Jim's teaching...and we learned SO MUCH!!! It made sense...well, most of it...and it brought us freedom...or so it was supposed to. But while we were there we were miserable on most fronts. Our financial situation was worse than it had been in a long time...we really didn't have any friends we *connected* with...our neighbors were awful (and so were our landlords). Yet at the same time, we were growing spiritually....although we didn't see how much we actually did grow until later.

I don't necessarily feel we're in that same place, although our finances seemed to have taken a nose-dive with the holidays. I guess the thing that makes the difference for me is that I see our situation as a result of David's accident more than anything else. (That's not to say that we haven't made mistakes and/or bad choices, though.) It's not that I feel like I need to *blame* something...as much as determine *where* things started going haywire.

For example...we have not made a late payment on anything since the accident. God has provided for us month after month, time after time, in many different ways. This month, though, I may have to wait until the paycheck on the 10th to make our mortgage payment. According to the mortgage company, it's not late until the 16th...so we're ok there. But in MY mind it's due on the 1st...period. (There's that left brain for ya!) What have I *done* differently...*believed* differently...*thought* differently? I don't know. Is it even something that *I* have done (or not done)...

Aside from my left-brained irritation...I STILL have peace. I still know that I'm NOT going *under* financially...that my bills WILL be paid...on time....I'm STILL determined there.

So what's the deal? What do I *do*...if anything?

My thought, at this point, is to stay where I am...do what I've been doing...which is trust God...believe what He has said about me and my situation. I think Jim calls it a *paradox*...when what you HAVE to do seems to be the exact opposite of what it seems you SHOULD do.

I really believe that if I stand strong in my belief and determination...as I have been doing...to the best of my ability...that everything will work out to my best interest. God WILL take care of the situation (He has already made provision). Somehow what's on the inside will work its way to the outside and all will be well once again. End of this crisis.

So...here I sit...going back again to my peace...to what I know is the truth.

Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever...He never changes. He has provided for my family consistently in the past, and He will continue to do so.

God's thoughts for me are of peace and not evil, to give me a future and a hope.

He has promised never to leave me or forsake me.

He has promised to hear me when I cry out to Him and to answer my prayers.