Duh....

Don't ya just hate it when you finally *get* something that you've known (intellectually) all along???

So...this morning I went to my bank account to see what this week's paycheck was. All I'm gonna say is that it's less than stellar. :) Anyway...I figured out what we could do with it and went on my merry way. I think shortly after that I wrote my *Finally* blog. Can you tell I was struggling?

I listened to a sermon by the pastor from Calvary Chapel in Chattanooga about tithing. That has been a HUGE issue to me for a while. It's just never seemed to *work* for us...no matter what we've tried. There were some things that I was questioning...mainly...if *tithing* is so important...then why didn't Jesus teach on it? I was quite surprised to hear this pastor basically say the same thing. However, he didn't stop there. He went on to say that Jesus DID teach about giving. And somewhere in the sermon he said that giving is an act of worship.

Well...there's another topic that's been wandering around in my mind as well. Specifically...what exactly IS worship? So I did a little research on the 'net and found a pamphlet about it. It clarified some things for me...and since I like to find the *bottom line* of things...it boiled down to this for me.

First, worship is because of who God is. (Yes...that's another duh...but not the main one...lol) I have some issues with this part, actually...mostly because I'm still trying to figure out God's character. For many years He was the big, bad ogre...and then for a while He was the benevolent old man. I imagine His character is actually a balance of those two extremes. The biggest things I wonder about when it comes to God is what is His role in my life...and what is my role in regards to my life and relationship to Him. Those questions aside, this part is a gimme.

Second, worship is thankfulness. Here's where the *duh* comes in. I have always been a *glass half empty* kind of gal. So rather than just be grateful, I've always taken the time to point out to God all the things I did NOT have....you know...just to make sure He was still aware that I need them. Even when I worked really hard at just being grateful, those *other* things were always in the back of my mind, just waiting to bound out of my mouth. (Ummm...remember the verse that what a man thinks in his heart, so is he? Ewwwww!!!)

Sometime over the past week or so, God started showing me that nasty part of myself. I must say, I didn't feel condemned...just frustrated and offended that He would DARE to talk to me about being grateful while so many things were going down the toilet. But those thoughts have flashed through my mind quite a bit over the last few days. So I mentioned that to David this morning...and he said that God had showed him the same thing. I'm getting the faint idea that this is something we should deal with...lol

I love to make fun of myself when I *get* things that I'm certain every other person in the world has ALREADY gotten. I feel like the biggest dork...but I can laugh at it. After all, God isn't beating me up over it, so why should I? I mean honestly, maybe if someone sees that I didn't *get it* either, they would be more willing to admit they didn't get it...ya know?

Anyway...I digress. The interesting thing was that this morning it was suddenly *easy* to forget about what I didn't have and focus on what I DO have. I don't care why...I'm just glad THAT wasn't a fight this morning! So David and I have decided to spend just a few minutes every morning talking about how we ARE blessed....and praying for his day. Now here's the kicker. He's had a rough few weeks...after being sick...and people just not wanting to spend money...blah, blah, blah. He had to be home early to take the boys to the fire station for a field trip, but he already made a sale this morning...and a good one at that! Hmmm....wonder if it has to do with going along with where God is taking us....

And to bring this to a close, I want to share how this has changed our children, too. I decided I would start asking them to name something they're grateful for every day...to try to teach them to LOOK FOR blessings...as I learn to do the same. The littler boys didn't hesitate at all. It was almost like my question unleashed something in them. The bigger boys kinda smiled...maybe a little uncomfortable with the thought of sharing something personal. But they really didn't hesitate either. Of course, I had to make sure that Chandler understood he could not say the same thing every day...and that if he said *guitar* today, that encompassed BOTH of his guitars...lol

Did I make up for the whining, complaining post from earlier???? ;)